Sexual Role Playing 101 – Part 3

sexy nurseThis is Part 1 of a series:
– Part 1: What is Role Playing
– Part 2: Easing into Role Playing
– Part 3: Basic Rules

This series was written for, but was never published.

Basic Rules

There are some simple precautions you should bear in mind when role-playing.

#1  Preparation is key

Talk, talk, talk with your partner.  Make sure you both know exactly what the scenario is supposed to be, and your roles within it.

#2  Know what is on the blacklist

Related to #1, but opposite.  While you should both know what to expect, you should both know what NOT to do — what you partner is worried about happening (or not happening) within the scenario.  No one should be forced into doing what they don’t want to do.

#3 Have a safe word

The BDSM world provided this handy little practice and it’s a good one.  A safe word has to be a word unlikely to be spoken within the scenario: “Pineapples” or “Suffragettes!”  Your partner can’t simply cry ‘no!’ or ‘stop!’ as these words may be part of their role-playing.  But if they utter the safe word, you’ll know you need to cease what you’re doing immediately.

#4 Pick a scenario that suits both of you

You need a situation that turns you both on.  Sometimes a simple shift in a situation (high class hooker rather than street walker) or costume (see through floor length robe rather that crotch-length satin) makes the difference so it works for both of you.  If not, finding a different fantasy altogether might be necessary.

Don’t forget, either, that what doesn’t work this time may appeal at a later date, especially if it’s only a luke-warm response.  Don’t cross scenarios off your list forever.  Circle back to them another time and reconsider them.

Again, talking beforehand will smooth out a lot of the wrinkles.

#5 Deconstruct Each Role-Playing Occasion

Quarterbacking after the game may seem cold and crass, but for role-playing it enhances the next occasion.   Stopping in the middle of a scenario to make suggestions about language or technique can ruin the mood and the role-playing is broken, so discussion is best kept for afterwards.

This is when you can–and should–provide as much feedback as you can to your partner about what worked for you and what didn’t, down to the smallest details, and including the language they used, any props, scenery, etc.  You should also tell them what you WISHED they had done.  Your partner should do the same for you and you need to pay attention.  It is the details that can ruin or enhance a fantasy.  Each time you enact a scenario, and deconstruct it afterwards, you are getting a step closer to your partner’s ideal fantasies…and yours.


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