Do Women Like MMF?

Do women like MMF? You may be wondering what sort of dumb-ass question that is. Believe it or not, it pops up in the search-terms of my Google stats every single day.

Which got me wondering who would be asking that question, and why. Obviously, there are lots of people searching for the answer because the search term keeps turning up, over and over again.

So I thought I’d take a stab at answering the question, as a woman, a romance reader, and a writer of erotic MMF menage romances. And I welcome you, my readers, who are all women and romance readers, to add in your comments (you’re welcome to remain anonymous if you want), for future searchers of this question to find.

Do women like MMF?

It depends. Sorry. There’s no straight answer to such a straight question, just like there’s no straight answer to any question to do with sex and women. But let me lay out what I think are some basic qualifications and those answers.

MMF in romance novels

There are women who love and adore MMF romance (menage + romance) novels — the kind I write. There are many more women who don’t. They’re repelled by what they think are “gay” sexual activities between the two men. But this is slowly changing as women become increasingly more educated about sexuality, the thin-to-invisible difference between gay/bi/hetero sex and how unimportant those definitions are, and as new generations of women with more open attitudes and upbringings become sexually active. MMF Romance novels are one of the most popular erotic romance genres on the market today.

You have to keep in mind, however, that MMF romance novels are romances at their core. Women who read these novels expect romance and committed relationships at the end of the novel. They’re not reading the novels purely for the sexual content.

MMF in erotica and/or porn

It is in erotica and pornography that MMF activities have become a major stimulation for women’s fantasy life, I believe. Thanks to movies like Brokeback Mountain, and the huge popularity of MM romances (gay romances written for female readers — which also became popular thanks to movies like Brokeback Mountain), and MMF romances in general, women have become accustomed to the idea of male-on-male sexual activity and enjoy it very much. Therefore, MMF sexual play has become a “regular” in erotica for women. Pornography for women is a very small market (most pornography is produced for men), but the little that is generated for women does include MMF sexual play. Sites like Kink.com find their MM sub-sites just as heavily trafficked by female viewers.

MMF in real life

It is here where brakes come on and everything slows down and pauses…sometimes indefinitely.

A woman who adores MMF sexual play in her romances and/or her fantasies doesn’t necessarily transfer that preference over to her actual sex life. Of the women that like MMF sex in their imaginations, I suspect the ratio that actually try MMF sex would be rather small. There are a huge number of factors that make the average thinking woman reluctant to try MMF sex for real, no matter how much the idea of trying it appeals to her:

If she’s already in a relationship with one man, how does she broach the subject in a way that doesn’t make him feel inadequate? Or horrified at the idea of sex with another guy? Or appalled that she is aroused at the idea of him having sex with another guy? Depending on how insecure the man is, this could be a relationship-breaker.
How does one go about finding the second male (or both males)? You can’t exactly run an ad in the local classifieds. And people don’t go around with signs saying they’re into MMF menages. A man who does like MMF menages may not be sexually attracted to the other two. Or she may not like him…. See the difficulties?
For most women, sex needs to involve a degree of trust and some sort of relationship. A second male in the bed would feel artificial and uncomfortable, if that relationship is not there.
If the three do take time to establish trust and even the most superficial relationship before proceeding with the menage, there’s the possibility of petty jealousy and relationship issues cropping up. Did one partner spend too much time playing with someone else, and not enough time with the other? Does he seem to be more affectionate with the other? It sounds silly, but the mind can play ridiculous games like this, especially when in vulnerable situations like a menage.
How does she look at her partner’s face in the morning when she’s watched him fucking another man the night before? There’s a first time for anything, and no matter how many times she runs it through her head, the reality is going to have an impact.
How is her partner going to feel about watching her fuck another man? No matter how cool he thinks he feels about it, the reality could be very different.
The three people in the bed are not characters in a novel, being manipulated by an author. They’re humans, who have feelings, emotions and the ability to think and reason. The aftermath of the menage may not run the way anyone would like. There could be consequences no one anticipated. What if the second male has strong feelings for the woman? Or the other male? What if he wants to make the menage a permanent thing? What if he simply doesn’t want to go away? What if one of the committed couple doesn’t want him to go away and the other does?
Then there’s STD’s, including that biological imperative: pregnancy. No condom is 100% guaranteed.

Women who have never tried an MMF menage will think of all these drawbacks and perhaps more. Depending on her personal circumstances, any and all of these objections may stop her…or not. She may decide to experiment despite the risks, if they can be offset or minimized enough, or if she has a high threshold for risk-taking. Every woman is different, but the drawbacks are the same for everyone.

It would be fabulous if every MMF menage played out like they did in MMF romance novels. If that could be guaranteed, then I suspect every woman in the world who was curious about MMF menages would bust a gut to try them and the world would see a great many more permanent menages. But reality is not fiction, not by a long shot.

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What do you think? What is your response to the question: Do women like MMF? Do you agree with me? Disagree? Want to add, subtract, amend?

Fire away.

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June 2016 Update:

This article first appeared on the site in December 2011. With the site re-do earlier this year, a lot of high-traffic articles and posts got shifted about. This is one of them. Also, because the blog post is more than six months old, comments have been closed.

When I updated this article, I added a new blog post to summarize it and open up the discussion once more. You’ll find that post here.