MMF Relationships – Finding A Third

menageIs A Relationship Possible Or Can It Only Be Hot Sweaty Sex?

When I was studying law, back in the dark ages, I turned in an assignment that I had sweated to complete and was pretty confident of scoring a Distinction (95% or better).  I scored Honours only and was distraught (yeah, I was that geeky). When I asked what had gone wrong, the professor pointed out that in the very first paragraph of my assignment I had made an assumption and discarded half of the field of discussion, only focusing on one half of the arena.  I had done so well with that discussion, that I scored Honours, but by ignoring fifty percent of the possibilities, I had shot myself in the foot.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago when I tripped over a booklet floating around in cyberspace.  I get a lot of interesting bits of flotsam forwarded to me by readers and authors and others, who know I have a more than vested interest in all things ménage and MMF.  This little booklet was an anonymous handbook on how to find a third person for menages.

It was short, to the point and eye-opening.

It was written by a man and I have to assume it was a young man by the assumptions and attitudes displayed.

All woman were divided up into sex-freaks and girl-friend material.

He advised that for threesomes you look for the former only.   This piece of advice appears on the first page of the book, thereby committing the same faux pasI committed back in my law school days.  The guy has immediately discarded fifty percent of the field of available women, or more.  As much as women like sex these days, the percentage that could be defined or define themselves as sex-freaks is somewhat low.  The percentage that would enjoy fitting into this guy’s category as non-girlfriend material and therefore suitable for a quick threesome and then being discarded would be even lower, I suspect.

The booklet goes on to describe various set-ups for getting the woman into bed with a third, most of them cons of one sort or another.  It was a distasteful little book that left me feeling quite uncomfortable.

But the point of this post is not to lambast the book.  I’m not going to mention the title or even where I got it.  There’s probably dozens of books like it out there, some of them possibly worse.

The point of mentioning it is to highlight the attitude the book so thoroughly preaches:  Threesomes are for sex only.  Keep “normal” MF sex for your girlfriend and relationship stuff.


No guy is capable of having meaningful ménage sex?  At all?  It’s purely about getting your rocks off?

If that really is the case, the supply of willing women is going to dry up to a trickle if it hasn’t already.

Look at it from the other side of the fence.

I’ve spent the last three years, almost to the day (and I swear it feels a lot longer, sometimes) writing and publishing MMF ménage romances.  The sex in those romances isn’t just sex.  It’s not about the guys getting their rocks off and then discarding the sex freak and going home and sitting back on the sofa with a cold beer and the remote.

The sex is about relationships and love.  That four letter word is notably absent in the booklet I read, as is any emotions at all.

Many women can’t have sex without a minimal relationship being in place.  And we as readers and writers have been celebrating ménage relationships that involve full relationship commitment at the end of the book.

Is that type of relationship possible?

If men are coaching each other to ditch the girlfriend and fuck sex freaks for their ménage fun, and keep it physical, then ménage romances will remain purely in the domain of female fantasies.

Which is a pity. There’s room in the world and people who are made for menages romances.

What do you think?



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