Sexy Every Day – Figure Out Your Own Sensual Standards

Part 1 of this series:  Sexy Is A Long Term Thing, Not Something You Spray On In The Morning

Part 2 of this series:  How to Start Thinking Sexy 24/7

Part 3 of this series:  How to Start Looking More Sexy – Body Appearance

Part 4 of this series:  Sexy In Action – Staying Fit and Limber

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If you’ve been following this series of posts from the start, you’ll have realized that this has moved from the outside in: Really BIG external concerns, like weighing 300 pounds, mental concerns like focusing on your senses and what makes you feel good whenever you can, bodily concerns like keeping up appearances and flexibility, down to tiny details.

These are the tiny details that count.  They add up to an overall impression that has major impact upon your own self-confidence and sexiness, and also has a major influence on how the rest of the world treats you.  Think of these details as the oil that eases your journey through life.  They can make it a joy, if you put time and thought into them.  If, like many people, you leave such decisions up to default — and fall into your clothes in the morning and grab what jewellery you lay hands on, and slap on makeup without thought, etc., you’re not enhancing your ego or your sexiness.

But don’t just do it for others.  Do it for you.  Do it to make yourself feel good, every single day.  It’ll put a sparkle in your eye, a smile on your lips, and a confidence in your walk that will turn heads, I guarantee it.

Daily grooming

Probably sounds too stupid to be worth mentioning, but I’ll mention it anyway, because I’ve seen and smelled too many horror stories walking around the malls and sidewalks to know I have to say it.

Shower. Use deodorant.  Comb your hair.  Clean your teeth.  Put on basic make-up.

Those are the bare essentials.  Do them daily, no matter what, or your self-respect will start circling the bowl — especially don’t skip the make-up.  This is a subtle one for women.  Especially on weekends it sometimes seems like too much effort to spend ten minutes fussing with mascara and eyeliner to schlepp around the house when no one is going to see you.  But how many times have you been caught having to run to the mall for something and run into neighbours, friends, the cute guy from down the road/the apartment building next door and died a thousand deaths because you were bared faced and wearing yoga pants with a saggy ass?    Or even just caught the eye of a nice looking man and wished you were wearing something better than what you’d had on right then?

Sexiness is a 24/7 proposition, as I pointed out in the very first part of this series of posts.  This is where your personal standards come into play.  Decide what your bare minimum acceptable standards are, and never let them drop.

Underwear

Nothing boosts your ego and personal feelings of sexiness like lingerie…or kills them stone dead like grannie panties.  Doesn’t matter what you’re wearing as an outer layer, if the secrets you’re wearing underneath aren’t sexy, you don’t feel sexy.  And vice-versa.  You could be wearing a baggy pair of stained overalls, but if all you’re wearing underneath is a pair of silky red French lace thong panties and a shelf bra to match, I guarantee you’re going to feel like one of the sexiest women in the room, and that‘ll make your eyes sparkle and make men wonder what’s on your mind.  Lingerie is one of the greatest boons to sexiness in the modern world, and it doesn’t benefit just men, although they get a secondary payoff, certainly.

Decide for yourself what your personal minimally acceptable standards will be and stick to them.  There’s a lot to choose from in lingerie.  Will you only ever wear stockings and stay-ups?  Thongs?  Silk panties only?  No underwear at all?  (Sharon Stone certainly made that a sexy alternative).  All red?  All black?  All sheer?  All lace?

How long is it since you overhauled your lingerie, anyway?  Perhaps it’s time for a review.

Shoes

If you’ve got a pair of Crocs in your wardrobe, burn ‘em.  You’ll be doing yourself a favour, believe me.  If there’s a single item of footwear any less sexy on the planet, I’ve yet to discover it.  Even Birkenstocks have a certain charm, in comparison, and I never thought they’d come in second-last in the sexy stakes, but there you are.

I’m afraid that stilettos remain the cliched favourite for sexiness and always will.  They slim down your foot, your ankle, your calf and elongate your leg, make you look taller, and men love them.  So do women, so why fight it?

If you’re into shoes at all, wear nice ones whenever you can.  Yes, even on weekends.  Why not?  Who gives a shit what other people think?  The men watching your ass sway as you walk away from them are going to like the effect, believe me.  Who cares what anyone else thinks?  Stilettos look fantastic under bootleg jeans, under skirts, under just about anything, regardless of your age.  You can wear kitten heels if the really high-heeled ones are a super-bother to you, and just bring out the five-inches for super-elegant occasions.  (But the longer and more often you wear heels, the more used to them you get.)  Stilettos also look better on older women, especially the more elegant closed toe shoe rather than strappy sandals.    Boots with stiletto heels are comfortable to wear all through winter, and look fabulous, too.

Shoe fashions come and go, and there’s unfortunately some really ugly styles that creep in that don’t flatter the foot or the wearer.  Flat shoes rarely make a women look pretty or sexy, so think hard about settling for flat shoes in the name of fashion and comfort.  Stilettos will always be around.  Decide what your personal standard will be and stick to it.

Outerwear

I love living in the northern states.  It means I get to wear all sorts of accessories like jackets, coats, hats, gloves, scarves, and boots.  Especially hats and coats — these alone provide a range of possibilities you just can’t play around with in somewhere like Miami.  For instance, when you’re wearing a hat, you can look out from under the brim…which can be very sexy and flirty.    And coats…well, I just like coats and the possibilities they present for finishing off your overall image.  Long coats in particular bring a real difference to your appearance.  I’m always astonished at the boring, ten-year-old utilitarian nylon padded coats people wear year after year, with no more thought about their outer-layer than “here we go again, another winter.”

There’s been more than one movie/TV show where the heroine has arrived wearing a coat and very little, if nothing, underneath, only to drop the coat and fall into her lover’s arms.  Think of that next time you see a well dressed woman muffled up to the chin.  See if that does bring a smile to your lips.  Winter doesn’t have to boring by any means.

Jewellery

Jewellery can be sexy or not.  There’s a fine dividing line, and that line moves each year.  Lines of piercings up the ear never used to be considered sexy, and for some men, may still not be.  (The tongue sliding over all those posts and studs would possibly not find it all that appealing.)  These days, they’re tame, compared to the latest in ear-stretching.  So you need to figure out what you consider to be honestly sexy, compared to what is just the latest fad in fashions.  This takes hard thought rather than simply being influenced by what everyone is telling you is “hot”.  Sexy usually has very little to do with the latest fashion — it is much more hard wired into more classic thought patterns and genetic impulses.  So you need to off-load what the fashionistas are telling you, and think for yourself.

Necklaces that dangle and draw attention to the cleavage are never going to go out of style.  Neither are earrings that dangle and draw attention to a woman’s neck and jawline.  And there are men with finely-tuned sensuality who get aroused by a woman who slowly removes her jewellery and hands it to him, as she undresses as a prelude to sex.

Decide what sort of jewellery you will wear every day, as a bare minimum.  For instance, I like wearing chandelier earrings, and have a large collection, and lots of necklaces.  But I don’t wear rings at all.    All of my jewellery is costume jewellery.  I haven’t invested a lot of money in it because I like to change my look frequently.

Scent

There was a survey (I’ve lost the source, unfortunately) that discovered that any scent that included grapefruit made a woman appear at least ten years younger to a man.  I’m surprised that every perfume in the world hasn’t included grapefruit as an ingredient since then, but the survey wasn’t widely distributed, so perhaps that’s why.

There are some disgustingly awful scents out there, that make me stagger back, holding my nose, wondering what the marketing company were thinking.  A good example is any of the Axe deodorant scents.  I hate, hate, hate them.  Unfortunately, there’s a guy who gets on the treadmill next to me nearly every time I go to the gym, who must bathe in the stuff, because I just about pass out with the overpowering stench of Axe.  It ain’t a come-on at all.  It’s a lady-killer, almost literally in my case.  My eyes water, and I start gagging.  As I’m already out of breath from running, this creates breathing problems for me that may yet prove to be fatal.

Choosing a signature scent for yourself is very personal, and you should absolutely shop around, find one you love, and stick to it like glue.  I’ve been using the same scent for nearly twenty years.

The scent you use permeates your wardrobe, your bed, your bathroom, your car, and everything you use regularly, to the point that anywhere you go, people know you’ve been there.  That scent becomes yours. A regular lover can get hard just inhaling your perfume.  For this reason, if you keep switching around the scent you use, the message gets lost.

Once you’ve found a scent you like, try it on, and get your lover(s) to sample the scent while you’re wearing it.  Perfume changes when a person is wearing it, so make sure it settles nicely on you.  If (wo)men like it on you, then you know you’ve got a winner.  Buy the biggest bottle you can afford.

Use the perfume daily, but don’t bathe in it.  Just a light touch is all you need.

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There’s a lot more to being sexy than just the basics I’ve covered in these few posts.  Most of it is about your attitude and your confidence.  But these posts will get you on the road towards thinking more about sexiness and being more sexy.  It’s a mind game, mostly.  And it is enormous fun.

Enjoy.

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