Spit Coffee on Your Keyboard Opening Lines

Here’s the best of some opening novel lines, along with observations by us (as some of these howlers had us spitting coffee on the keyboard, and deserve a salute):

“The birds saw the murder.”
The Way The Crow Flies by Ann-Marie MacDonald

“When I slid in my baby slime between my supine mother’s legs, I did not comprehend the expressions of her accompanying friends, did not understand that one was a crone, and two were hags.”
Black Body by H.C. Turk
(Merit award for this one….it lifts your eyebrows a tad.)

“Possessed of supreme strength and unrivaled courage, he was blessed by the gods, feared by mortals, and desired by all women who saw him.”
by Sherrilyn Kenyon (contestant attributed this to Fantasy Lover)
(well, of course he’d just be a fantasy…<sigh>)

“Honey, you need to get laid.”
Fantasy Lover by Sherrilyn Kenyon.
(Our reader who submitted this notes: I read that out loud. standing at the bookstore, said that’s all I needed, and headed to the cashiers to buy it….LOL Yup got some strange looks….)

“I danced with young Blakesly yesterday. I am quite sure he purposely stumbled so that he could catch himself on the most inappropriate place on my person.”
Major Wyclyff’s Campaign by Katherine Greyle
(major ouch moment….)

“Looking back, I guess my first mistake was to assume that a rookie reporter could pursue both a hot story and a hot sex life.”
Bubbles Ablaze by Sarah Strohmeyer
(This one got me. I’d buy it.)

“Ever since Genevieve Terrence’s mama had inherited a pair of Elvis’s Jockey shorts, Genevieve had been a big believer in luck.”
Nerd in Shining Armor by Vicki Lewis Thompson
(The title of the book says it all).

“The day I died started out bad and got worse in a hurry.”
Undead and Unwed by MaryJanice Davidson
(Bad hair day, honey?)

“The more powerful he is, the more terrible he’ll be…in bed, and as a husband.”
Forced Mate by Rowena Cherry
(the brute.)

Have your own favourite first line?  Share!

First appeared on Stories Rule! August, 2004

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Tracy Cooper-Posey © 2004. Cannot be copied or distributed without permission, or without this copyright notice attached.