Sexy Is A Long Term Thing, Not Something You Spray On In The Morning
One of my favourite past times is to sit and drink coffee with Saul, and watch the world go by. We’re both fascinated by the degree of sensuality most people display. In north America, most people indicate a complete lack of consciousness about their sensuality. They seem to feel it’s something they just need to switch on five minutes before they fuck, and they can forget about it for the rest of the day. Men and women, both. I emphasise “most” here.
One of the most sensual women I ever met was an American. She toured Europe with me. She wasn’t beautiful, or even pretty. But she did have clear skin and a nice smile. And she had confidence. Oh boy, did she have confidence. She travelled Europe for a month with a suitcase only three feet by two feet by eight inches deep (yes, I measured), and her clothes were not eye-boggling scooped, transparent, cut-away, suggestive, or in anyway overtly sexy. They were classic, classy and fairly conservative. She wore trousers, mostly (which Saul hates with a passion), and they weren’t tight.
In a club in Florence, within five minutes of arriving, she had the lead singer of the band serenading her from the stage, while every head in the entire club was swivelling to try and find out who had arrived that had stunned him into making such a horse’s ass of himself in public. She sat next to me and sipped her wine, and breathed heavily. She didn’t come home that night. Or the next. And the hotel room was inundated with flowers for two days.
There’s all sorts of sexy, from in-your-face breathless, gotta-have-it-now, to my friend’s I-know-what-I-want quiet confidence.
But none of them are the sort of sexy you can fake by pouring yourself into a tight dress for the night, taking a deep breath and leaning forward to show more of your cleavage. It just doesn’t work that way.
Oh, sure, that’ll get you some attention for about five minutes. But it won’t get you the right sort of attention. Not the sort of attention you really want, anyway.
Remember Kevin Costner’s speech from Bull Durham? The one where Crash explains to Annie about what he believes in?
There’s a man who understands sensuality, and how to please a woman.
Any man can look at a woman in a sexy dress and respond. It’s what the sexy dress was designed to do. He’ll respond by wanting to fuck her, and he will. If it’s you wearing the dress, he’ll take you to bed, but will the quality of the experience be what you were looking for? I don’t think so.
You want the first type of man – the man who responds to sensuality, not sex hooks. But in order to attract that sort of man, you have to exude sensuality yourself. And that isn’t something you can just switch on or spray out of a bottle just before you step out the door on Saturday night. Sensuality is an attitude. A way of thinking that stays with you 24/7.
The good news is that it can be learned and cultivated, even by the most jaded or repressed of us out there, regardless of your age.
Tracy Cooper-Posey © 1999 - 2012 