How to Start Thinking Sexy 24/7

Part 1 of this series: Sexy Is A Long Term Thing, Not Something You Spray On In The Morning

Teaching yourself to think sexy on a permanent basis, to build it into your psyche, is a matter of changing your habits, and immersing yourself in sensual things. And yes, it’s a matter of pushing yourself past some simple comfort zone barriers, too. Nothing too challenging. But this is a lifestyle change, not a dress you put on for a day, so the adjustments you make can be made over a day, a week or a month, or even a year, if you want. It’s your life. But the sooner you make the adjustments, the bigger the difference to your life.

The following suggestions will put you in touch with your mind-body connection, and make you more aware of your sensuality.

Read, read, and read some more

The world of erotic fiction has got considerably wider, deeper, friendlier and more mainstream in the last ten years, and caters to an astonishing range of tastes, from boiling plain vanilla romance to the strongest of exotic kink. Basically, whatever cranks your dial, there’s probably fiction available in that genre, and cross genres, too. Immerse yourself in a steady diet of not just your preferred level of erotic fiction, but the next step or two up the ladder of titillation. Deliberately provoke your senses, each and every day. Of course there’s my own publisher, Ellora’s Cave, who publish erotic romances, and some straight erotica, but every traditional romance publisher out there these days has an erotic imprint, since erotic fiction became so mainstream. You no longer have to buy the books in brown paper bags. Plus there’s many sites on-line where amateur erotic fiction is free to download, but the quality is not the same.

Have sex more frequently

Having sex — or masturbating — more frequently will help your body align with the reading you’re already doing. You’ll appreciate the extra blood flow and calorie burn-off anyway (300 calories per orgasm!) and your skin will look better after a week, too. If all your fiction reading doesn’t already make you want to reach for your partner or enjoy yourself more frequently, then deliberately chose to do so and aim for once a day.

Experiment with toys, positions, and more. There’s nothing taboo or wicked anymore. The only thing you shouldn’t try is anything that hurts or might harm you, such as unprotected sex. If you’re going solo, then even this isn’t an issue. Have fun.

Read non-fiction sites and books

Closely related to the two suggestions above. Do your research. If anything you come across in your fiction reading puzzles you, makes you curious or makes you want to know more, or if your sex play becomes monotonous, find out more. There’s so much information available these days, there’s no reason for you to be left in the dark about anything. There’s a number of sites that are informative, especially for women, and an excellent one is Clitical.

Adopt an attitude of experimentation

You may have to fake this at first, until it becomes natural. But an attitude of experimentation begins with being open-minded and willing to try new experiences. So many people, even young people, become set in their ways, tastes and preferences, and go through life never stepping outside those narrow boundaries. Their nerve endings switch off from sensory deprivation, and they float along on automatic pilot. Nice and safe, yes. Comfortable, yes. But it’s not what being sensuous is about.

So instead of always having the latte, have a mocha. Try a London Fog for a change. Always wear pantyhose? What about stay-ups? What about wearing perfume one day? What about not having that same boring salad you always have. What about having this salad over here. The one with the walnuts on it. And what about sitting at the table over by the window there where the sun shines, instead of your usual table? Well, why not?

You don’t have to make changes to absolutely everything you do. Small changes, over time, add up, and you don’t want to turn yourself into a basketcase overnight. But you do want to shake yourself up. And you always want to be testing your own limits, sexually. What feels good? What feels nice? What feels…mmmmmm? That’s where the next step comes in.

Be aware of how you feel at all times.

Especially for older women, once they get into the toddlers, teenagers, washing, meals, and soccer games routine, remembering you’re actually supposed to be a sexually attractive woman can be a challenge amongst the chaos. Add in separations, divorces and acrid ex-husbands and the idea of sexiness loses all definition.

The message can also get buried beneath the angst and pressure of careers, equality and politics for younger women, too.

So training yourself to stay in touch with how you’re feeling at all times is a good way to learn how to stay sexy despite the chaos. It puts you in touch with what makes you go “Mmmm…” at all times.

Every time you notice the clock change the hour, take a deep breath. You can also use a physical mnemonic like touching the centre of your chest between your breasts with the tips of your fingers – after a few weeks you’ll find that just touching the centre of your chest with your fingers will bring instance calm, and a gentle arousal. But for now, just touch the centre of your chest with your finger tips, and breathe in deeply, and take note of how you feel. Angry? Calm? Hungry? Tired? And what’s your sexual level of interest right now? Feel any interest at all? Why not? What would it take to get you into bed?

If there’s any major problems with your mental or physical state, take care of them (headache, dehydration, deep arousal, etc). Next hour, repeat the exercise.

Groom Yourself Daily

Don’t just roll out of bed and into your jeans each day. Get dressed up. Yes, you can wear jeans each day if that’s your thing. But make them nice jeans. Low rise, flared jeans that make the most of your ass and legs and make heads turn. If you have to stay up ten minutes later the night before to lay out clothes, then do it. Again, the internet is so chock full of free information on how to dress sexy, from classy to do-me-now sexy, I don’t need to add my two cents here. Glamour Magazine will give you a hilarious weekly photo shoot of awful real life fashion “don’ts”, and if you plug “how to dress sexy” into Google, you’ll get 28.5 million hits.

Wear a modicum of makeup – mascara, some lipstick. Maybe some perfume, something light. Jewellery is sexy, too – especially when a man considers taking it off.

And wear heels. They don’t have to be high. Kitten heels are better than nothing. But unless you’re actually playing sports, there’s nothing sexy about flat shoes.

The same argument holds for short hair…I know women will scream and shout about this, but I don’t know a single man who will. Short hair is not sexy. Long hair is. Period. And from experience, I know that long hair is easier to maintain than short, so that argument is off the table.

The benefits of daily grooming is twofold. Not only do you get the outward appearance, but your confidence soars. You know yourself how much better you feel on the days when you’ve taken time over your appearance, compared to those days when you’ve schlepped out of the house in your pj pants and oily hair and hoped like hell no one you know actually sees you out there.

Watch other people

People watching is a fascinating game in and of itself, but for you, it has a side benefit. You begin to understand your own personal likes and dislikes. What makes you go “mmmm….” in either gender. If you see a woman dressed poorly, you’ll know never to do that yourself. On the other hand if you see a woman who is just stunning, take notes, and replicate what she does for yourself.

If you see a man that makes your thighs press together, you’ll know your body is alive and humming and have reason to reach for your sweetie, or treat yourself. Or introduce yourself…why not? You dressed well this morning, did you not?

Next: Body Appearance