How to Start Looking More Sexy – Body Appearance

Part 1 of this series: Sexy Is A Long Term Thing, Not Something You Spray On In The Morning

Part 2 of this series: How to Start Thinking Sexy 24/7

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Lose the Body Fat

The world has an obsession with appearance already, so me adding my two cents worth seems like adding a teaspoon of salt to the world’s oceans. No one’s really going to notice the difference. But I’m going to try, because I’m actually going to say something a bit different to the “You’re beautiful just as you are” bullshit that is floating around out there these days.

Truth is, three hundred pounds of jiggling, panting fat is not sexy. Not on men or women.

If it was, then all the world’s best-paid actors would immediately stop starving themselves, stop exercising radically to remove every last skerrick of excess body fat so the cameras don’t pick them up, and wouldn’t be paying fortunes to have them lipo-suctioned out when diet and exercise don’t remove them. Actors and models go through torturous daily routines like that because they know that fat is not pretty, appealing or sexy, and they won’t get paid if they have it on their bodies. They know better.

Similarly, body-builders, and elite athletes who depend upon sleek bodies for performance (i.e. skaters) also fight to shed body fat. Exotic dancers adhere to a regimen of salads, running, weight lifting and water that makes most women cringe, then spend eight hours a day on six inch heels, dancing their asses off.

These people aren’t fooled by the hype, or blinded by the cultural biases that have developed over the last decade or so that have allowed us to accept that an extra twenty or thirty pounds of fat is okay.

It isn’t okay, and it isn’t pretty. Muffin top hips bulging over low rise jeans isn’t sexy. It especially isn’t pretty on twenty year olds who should have raging metabolisms able to burn about that sort of excess fat…god, how much and what are they eating to stack on that amount of bulge?

Excess fat in bed isn’t pretty either. Pick up any porn movie you like, and even the actors in those movies are slender! When your partner has to delve past bulges to find your genitals, you’re too fat. Sorry to be blunt, but that’s a yardstick you can use to measure your sex appeal. Men judge a woman’s clothes by how accessible they make her (that’s why they like dresses and skirts to pants, and cardigans to sweaters). Levels of fat can be used the same way…how much do they limit access? And fat can limit access in interesting ways, from making you unbendable and inflexible, to so incredibly unfit you have to take a break every few minutes to catch your breath. Then there’s simply the fact that your shape prevents you and your partner from indulging in certain activities and positions, either because you’re too big, or too embarrassed.

Then there’s the bottom line. I’ll spell it out because sometimes it simply has to be said. There’s plenty of men that simply won’t give you a second look because you’re carry too much weight. They won’t hang around long enough to find out about your fabulous personality, or your sparkling eyes, or how good you are in bed, because your ass is too big. They’re out of there the moment they see your hips waddle, because too much fat…is…not…sexy.

Yeah, it’s superficial. Yeah, it’s fucking unfair. Yeah, it sucks. But that’s Life. With a capital “L”. This is how the gene pool works at its most basic. Men go for the sexiest woman in the room, and fat is not sexy. Period. So cry about it if you must, but then determine to do something about it.

Healthy levels of body fat for a normal woman is anything under 20%, with “sleek” coming in around 15% to 18%. Once you actually get down to around that level (and most women these days in North American are probably hovering at around 40 to 50% body fat levels, so if you’re there, you’ve got some work to do), you can adjust until you find a look and percentage that suits you, and that you like the look of in the mirror, and gets you the most compliments from men. This is your “sexy” point. Once you’ve reached that level and stayed there for a while, you’ll find it becomes easier and easier to maintain without trying.

There are hundreds upon thousands of resources and information for losing body fat. You don’t want to lose weight, but body fat — a small, but crucial difference. An effective routine will nearly always include weight training of some sort, to maintain muscle tone while you’re losing the fat. I won’t go into the myriad methods of weight loss here. I just urge you to do it.

Don’t do it for your health. Do it for your ego. Do it for you. Do it to be sexy, to wear pretty dresses. Think of a big occasion coming up in about a year’s time, and what it would be like to step into that room wearing a strapless ball gown about ten sizes smaller than you are now, and stun everyone around you into silence, and have every man in the room look at you with appreciation.

Do it for that reason. It’s not as superficial as you might think. It plugs into survival of the species, after all.

Grow your hair longer

I touched on this one in the last post, but I’ll expand on it here. Short hair is not sexy. And I really don’t know where women got hold of the idea that short hair was easier to maintain, because it ain’t — not by a long chalk.

In part, what makes a woman more sexy and alluring to men is highlighting and emphasising those things that differentiates her from men. That’s why men seem to be obsessed with women’s breasts, hips and asses, and the size of their waists (the smaller the better) in comparison to everything else. It’s what makes them different from men (who go straight up and down).

While men can and do grow their hair long these days, in general they tend to keep their hair short. Longer hair on women is the cultural norm, built up over centuries. It’s almost genetically cemented into us. Men find short hair on women mannish. They prefer women with longer hair, because they like to slide their hands into it. They also really like the idea of holding onto that hair while they make love. I haven’t got any hard data, but I suspect a majority of men fantasize about their hands gripping their lover’s hair while getting a blow job, and that really does things for them — as I’ve heard this from more than one man, myself.

Apart from a man’s obsession with long hair, there are positives for women, too. Long hair softens an older woman’s side profile. A short cut is unforgiving if your jaw line is anything but perfect, and there’s few women past the age of 35 who have perfect jaw lines (although losing the body fat really helps with this one!). So long hair instantly gives you a more youthful appearance and disguises your less than perfect jaw line from the side.

Once your hair is long enough, you can get a very simple cut that needs a six-monthly trim, colour it every couple of months, then just wash and wear it every few days. No blow drying every day, no damaging chemicals, nothing else is needed. Plus you can fall out of bed in the morning, and have that tumbled, I had a great night last night look, your hair over one eye look just by running your fingers through it, and I guarantee he’ll just love it.

Long hair is sexy, regardless of your age. Don’t let anyone talk you out of it (and hairdressers will try their damndest).

Keep your skin smooth and silky

You’re working to look sexy to invite a man’s touch. Once you get that touch, you want the man to be pleased with what he finds when he touches you. Smooth, soft skin invites more stroking and caressing, more exploring. And healthy skin glows with its own beauty, too (check out the skin on the model with the sexy legs at the top of this article to see what I mean).

If you’re already working hard to lose fat, your body will be excreting toxins through your skin, and you’ll be breaking out all over the place for a while, until you get used to the new diet and exercise routine. After that, if you’re actually eating a health diet, your skin will renew itself, and you’ll want to show off the rejuvenated cells.

Exfoliating in the shower is the quickest, easiest way to get that glow. Use a natural bristle brush and an exfoliating body wash, and scrub from toe to neck. Use an exfoliant designed for facial skin for your face. Rinse off, and when you get out of the shower, pat yourself dry, then slather on a good quality moisturizer. If you’re in a northern climate, use one that has a built-in tanner in the summer months, so you get a healthy (fake) tan into the bargain. Let the moisturizer dry for a minute before you dress.

Make sure you keep up with hair removal, too. The degree to which you remove it is a personal choice, but most men prefer “clear” bikini lines at all lines, so whatever your preferred choice, stay on top of it. Remember “sexy” and enjoy the end product.

Next: Staying Fit & Limber – Sexy In Action

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